Stop Chasing : How I feel in this moment

Dear Diary,

The first part of the year flew by in the blink of an eye. I’ve been trying to plan things out, but honestly, I don’t have a real plan. I’m still figuring it all out. It feels like I’m moving through life, half-conscious, trying to break free from the routine, but somehow, I always end up back where I started. It’s like I know I need to shift my thinking, but I still get sucked into this never-ending cycle. I feel like I'm lying to myself sometimes—telling myself I want change, but then falling into the same old patterns.

The truth is, I feel lost and torn, like I’m just pushing through each day without really living it. Today, as I sat with these feelings, the answer started to come to me: Stop chasing things that don’t align with who I truly am. Stop chasing what doesn’t serve my soul or my goals. It’s time to start chasing the things that actually bring me peace, joy, and fulfillment—the things that make me feel alive.

I want to slowly wake up to the sound of birds, to watch the sun rise. I want to savor my morning coffee and drop my son off at school. I want to spend my days immersed in the things that light me up—rolling out clay, handbuilding, making jewelry, painting, gardening. I want to experience life through spontaneous meetups, coffee dates, solo adventures, and learning new skills. I want to travel, cook, bake, nourish myself and others.

I’ve also been working on a few new products that I can’t wait to share with you. I’m so excited about what I’ve made, and I really hope you can stop by one of my pop-ups to see it for yourself. It feels like a step closer to the life I’ve been dreaming of—a life where I get to create, share, and connect with others in a meaningful way.

But I’m not doing all of these things just yet. Year after year, I’ve let this false sense of security creep in—the routine of it all. It’s like I’ve been chasing something that wasn’t meant for me. And even though I know deep down that I need to shift my mindset, it’s hard to break free from the comfort of what’s familiar, even when it feels wrong.

Maybe the universe has been telling me all along: You’re not meant for this. You’re meant to frolic in wildflowers, build community, and nurture your creative spirit. It’s a hard truth to accept, and it’s a constant battle to step away from the routine. But I think I’m ready to listen.

I don’t have it all figured out, and I still feel the pull of that cycle. But each day, I’m trying to take a step closer to the life I want. And that feels like progress.